Monday, October 15

How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse (Guest Post)

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If you are planning on getting ready to survive the zombie apocalypse, don’t take lessons from "The Walking Dead." Really, if you think throwing rocks at human flesh-eaters is going to stop them, you need to get a grip on yourself. And if you decide to go for a walk by yourself without a weapon to kill zombies, then you deserve to be human food.

For some serious preparation for the zombie apocalypse, you can shell out a cool couple million dollars for a full-floor in an ex-missile base. If you can’t swing a couple million dollars, one million dollars will get you a half-floor. A full-floor is about 1,820 square feet and a half-floor is about 900 square feet.

If even a million bucks is out of reach, you can prepare your home for the zombie apocalypse. To prepare the outside of the home, put some single post traffic barriers (bollards) up. They’ll confuse the zombies.

If the zombies make it past the bollards, you’ll have to have some added protection. Add some hurricane shutters to all of the windows around the house. Make sure they’re not the cheap plywood type — they need to be the heavy-duty metal shutters that roll down. Moreover, be sure you have heavy-duty locks on the shutters. You don’t want the zombies to be able to break into the house.

There might come a time when you can’t get out of your house if zombies overrun the area. If this should happen, you should be completely prepared to spend at least a few years stuck inside. You’ll need a five-year supply of survival food — dehydrated and freeze-dried — per person.

If you have a car and think you can get away before too many zombies invade the area, be sure to pack as much survival food that you can fit into the trunk of your car, plus other needs, such as toilet paper, paper towels, a first aid kit and plenty of ammunition. If you have pets, you’re going to need pet food, too. Many people consider pets as part of the family, not zombie food, so be sure you have enough for both. Water is another important essential if you're going to be traveling.

Don’t forget — you don’t know where the zombies are — you may have to drive quite far. Which also means that you’ll have to carry gasoline with you. Make sure everyone has a couple changes of clothing if you’re leaving in the car. You never know if you can make it back, and if you do, you might find that your home and everything in it was destroyed by the zombies.

Of course, you’d probably be on the top of everyone’s “foolish” list if you think you can drive to avoid the zombies. Nope — the best thing to do if you can’t afford the luxury survival condo is to barricade your house and be prepared to hold up for a while. Sure enough, "The Walking Dead" won't teach you much if people think throwing rocks at zombies will stop them!

4 comments:

Brummie said...

I'm pretty sure rocks are still valid weapons I'm sure it would still kill a zombie or two if your overrun then you screwed unless your somewhere high with a big pile of rocks :D

YeamieWaffles said...

This is such a good article man. I think that if there was to be an impending apocalypse that I would first barricade my house exactly like you've suggested, I'd keep some weapons in case I'd made any mistakes and I'd just hole myself in.

I don't know. In my opinion the best way to deal with an apocalypse is defence, not offence and hopefully with these precautions, I'd be fine with say two and a half years worth of food.

D4 said...

I really do feel much more ready for the zombie apocalypse now.

Das Auto! said...

I know I'm ready. Bring it on