Monday, August 6

Zombies At The 2016 Olympics

As I plop my tush in front of the television like I always do I put  on my big ol 'Murrica hat and watch sports I would never normally watch and cheer for the guys and gals in red white and blue. That's right everyone, it's Olympics time!

Sitting here watching such classic and exciting sports like women's badminton and table tennis I can't help but wonder why sports like Baseball were excluded since the last one.

No matter though, because I'm not here to moan and gripe about sports I think should be in the games, I'm here to moan and gripe about how they should include some events in the next games that include our humble green friends.
Thinking this was a marvelous idea, I wrote a letter to the president of Brazil (Host of the next Summer Olympics), urging him to consider adding zombies to the games.

The new and improved games are as follows:


Zombie Baiting: Athletes run around an open field and try to get the zombie to follow them through a series of flags or markers. Sorta how like downhill skiing requires that they maneuver. It would require speed and just the right amount of strategy to make it a real challenge. The athlete with the fastest time wins.

Zombie Impersonators: Athletes do their own makeup and costumes to make them look like zombies and release them into a field full of zombies. In different spots in the field there will be flags to grab which increases their score, but grabbing them is not mandatory. They must get from one side of the field to another without drawing attention to themselves and to grab as many flags as they want. The athlete with the highest score wins.

Zombie Hunting: Officials release a single zombie out into the wilderness, urban area, jungle, whatever and give it a 2 hour head start. Athletes must use their whits and physical prowess to track down and kill the single zombie. The athlete with the fastest time wins.

Style Zombie Killing: (This one may be a bit over the top, but then again these are just ideas after all.) A single zombie is secured to the center of a big open floor. Athletes may then chose from a full arsenal of guns, melee weapons, knives, and so on, and kill the zombie in the most creative and stylish way possible. Judges then score the kill and the athlete with the highest score wins.

What kind of Olympic zombie games would you include next time?


The cinnamon challenge doesn't count as an Olympic event...


4 comments:

A Beer for the Shower said...

I'd love to see the zombie impersonator one, if only to see the loser eaten. The one with the lowest score is fed to the zombies, right?

[Retro-Zombie] said...

i am in, let us start campaign.

T. Roger Thomas said...

I'm not sure what sports I would like to see but I am looking forward to the overcoming adversity stories of the undead.

YeamieWaffles said...

I love the sounds of a zombie games, somebody needs to make it happen for Rio De Janeiro 2016, we should all write letters haha.